Jasmine Hart

Hi Tenyo, The first paragraph is great, it really drew me in and you have a very strong narrative voice going here. I'd cut "bank account" because you don't need ...

Hi Asxz, This was really funny. I really enjoyed it! The dialogue was brilliant and I especially loved; "while some of the other guests, who had been here longer, cried ...

Better late than never, I hope! Laurel "We'll be far stronger in a group." I smoothed my red hair down, even though I was sure it was already perfectly in ...

Hi, The first line is interesting. I'd try to extend the dance metaphor throughout the poem. I'd go through this and cut words like "battle" "blood" "brave" and instead describe ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. I really enjoyed this. It flows perfectly and I love the onomatopoeia of it, especially "sizzeling" and the last two ...

Hi, I really liked the twist at the end here. I'd cut "Tears" etc from the start of the stanzas. I'd also either cut "the alarms I installed" or add ...

I got the whole thirty done. I learned that sticking to a strict form can be very rigid and not neccesarily benficial.(Thanks Jiggity!) I also learned that I can tell ...

Hi, I like your use of varying stanzas. "Breath" should be "Breathe." This seemed a bit artificial to me. I just didn't believe the "kill me slowly", "burning fire". I'm ...

Hi, The first line is genius! I absolutely love and adore "But now...lengthish". It was so clever! I'll admit you lost me with the aura of mystery and the ham, ...

Hi BondGirl, I really like "So smile for the camera." I don't think the rhyme does anything for you here so I'd scrap it. It felt a little preachy to ...

The single-decker bus is bumpy, so much so that my steadier friends switch places with me so I can cling to the pole like a tight-ropeing cat, or an agnostic ...

Yay! Congrats! :)

Hi, I think this is a really fresh topic and this flows nicely. I'd get rid of clichéd lines like "in the depths of the ocean", "in a different light" ...

What can I say? You finished on a high.Your imagery is beautiful and it flows perfectly and while I'll admit some of it went over my head I really enjoyed ...

Hi Esther, Haha, this was very funny and I really enjoyed it, especially; "kick butt nicely too" and "She's perfect, you think, so why do they hate?" The last three ...